You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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