he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
