wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
