Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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