Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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