I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
where am i from again
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
