dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.