i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.