God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!