I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
