I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
