My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
