My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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