i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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