You're my little dorito
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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