ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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