Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i think im in europe. pls send help