It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.