Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please