You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.