At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
