I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
