He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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