We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did i walk over a car last night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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