I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
