I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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