i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize