I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize