I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am available for nakedness
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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