I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
