he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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