Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat