i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him