I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me