i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.