I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...