I hate your face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
