Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again