my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.