the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's shark week go big or go home