also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY