No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.