Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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