btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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