i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
