Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
