i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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