My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
