im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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