I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
