i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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