I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
