I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
