I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
