now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
