they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning