So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?