toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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