you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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