It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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