u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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