This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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