Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
