Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
