The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
