you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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